There once was a family named Straub
Who ran a Limerick Contest on thier Blog
40 bucks in gas
is better than a kick in the ass
Submit your best - leave us agog.
That's right! This opens the Straub Limerick Contest. You can submit as many limericks as you like, however in order to win you have to have your name attached to them. The winner will recieve $40 in BP gas cards. The contest ends on Jim's Birthday. Official submissions have to appear as comments to this posting.
Pat will determine the winner with veto power held by me (Ed).
Good luck.
179 comments:
there once was a guy named Ed
who was a little bit wacked in the head
he started a contest
FOR ME TO POOP ON!
Tom and I will, also, donate a $40 Gift Certificate to Sister Sarah's!!!
Any others?
Which birthday of Jim's? The 4th or the 5th?
Jim~
Yah, got a John Deere tractor to throw into the, "Prize Pool?"
Bob~
Anything, but, a Terry Redlin...would be great!
Joe~
Council?
Monica~
Sage advice?
Pat~
Tips on, "Great Birthday Gifts," on the go?
Ed~
Oh, yah...you already gave.
Frank~
A little,"giggle?"
Come on...let's make this prize package...BIG!
i can fart in a jar and donate that!
Hello all. I do have the ability to remove the anonymous feature. SO STOP LEAVING ANONYMOUS POSTS.
Had a brother born in May
Had a wife, 3 kids more on the way
Wasn't sure what day he was born
which left us extremely forlorn
It was a common problem - Ask mom anyday.
Is it council? Or, counsel? I think counSEL. Oh well, sorry you smarty pants Straubs! ~ha, ha.
holy flying buttmonkeys batman! you can't remove anonymous posts. how can we retain our secret identities if you do?
I agree that it is important to hide our identities and our genders.
There was a girl who lived in Macedonia.
It was crappy there, but no mumps hysteria.
Chicken flu, yes.
It's all over the press.
At least mumps is better than malaria.
Today I jump out the side of a plane.
Hopefully I'll get no bump or any pain.
When you turn 35
You prove you are alive
By doing things that are insane.
my car is electric.
We need some ground rules here... not just any five lined poem-let will do.
How many syllables per line?
What's the rhyme rhythm?
I once knew a young man named Ed,
With the straubslog was he up fed? He tried to clean up its vision
By putting us on a mission
To be what the heck should I write here? Does this qualify for some BP gas?
rules? i refuse to be bound by your arbitrary rules! viva la revolution!
Lisa is not the boss. The judge and jury make the rules. That's Ed and I. It is simple. Lines 1,2, and 5 must rhyme. Lines 3 and 4 must be a different rhyme. You all know the feel and pacing of a good limerick.
Contest ends Monday at 5:00
P
Joe J. Congrats on your new job!!! So cool that you can be designer AND copy editor. And you're close enough to visit.
Thanks for the b-day wishes. I'm 30! I decided to dedicate the next ten years to my bawdy side, and call it the "dirty thirties". Inspireed by my illustrious uncles, writers of gross limericks.
A girl with an adventurous side
Had a fun loving grin that was wide
But her eyes looked quite naughty
And her grin would grow bawdy
When the Angler and his pole came inside
ode to the black bean soup i had for dinner last night:
there once was a guy who was gassy
even though he looked quite classy
in his cube he would fart
but never would he shart
his work area smelled quite assy
The Richardson family's excited
And relatives all are invited
To Catherine's 1st Eucharist
And Mia's a baptist
So come if you can - don't feel slighted.
So...does the contest end on Monday the 24th...or, on Jim's Birthday? They're not the same dates are they?
hey Pat, i'm posting anonymously. so there!
Hey Tom, I found something that belongs to you. I'll drop it in the mail.
Its not keys to your dream vehicle.
I like the anon... postings, some of them are funny.
I like some of the anon postings too. I just don't like it when EVERYONE starts doing it constantly.
p
People who post anon I liken to the people who hang out near schoolyards and playgrounds wearing only a trenchcoat with pockets full of candy looking for their lost puppy.
I beg to differ-Frank's was awesome!
Passage of the sun
Through dappled leaves of spring trees
Golden whispering leaves
Warmth pours down small paths
Illuminates the small cold
Winter weary soul
Awaken to spring
Smell blossoms on a fresh breeze
Feel sun on your face
Some people I confess that I knew
thought they had bodacious IQs
traded Limericks, a bit
'cause (they won't admit)
they can't pen a stinkin' haiku
Spring awakens the earth
The yard offers up winter's dog crap
Ladybugs swarm
millions newly born
I rake, thatch, seed like a serf
lawncare's on an eternal loop
WOW!!!
Why's this an issue???
Would you want to know who posted the previous" I can fart..."
NOT ME.
I wonder what would happen if I tried to sell a fart in a jar on ebay...
I like Grace & Joe's spring poems. Regarding lawns: For all who are coming this Sunday: The recent heavy rains washed our grass away. It's not our fault.
Depends on who's fart it is...I suppose.
Whenever the contest ends, Jim will be celebrating on the 24th, and the 4th.(vacation days he has to use up)
I agree with the anon... funny and no issue. If you want to be heard post yourself.
Pat, take control!!!
Erin
ERIN! Hi! When are you guys coming to town? How long will you be here?
Nance,
We will be there from June 17th to the 21st. I will collect my limerick prizes at that time.
Hey Jim,
Do you know Dale and Vicky Paschke? My sister, Ann, knows them from a group she's involved in called Young Life. He works for John Deere and, just, moved here from North Carolina.
Look forward to seeing all of you in June!
Our money for college is gone... for war!
PELL GRANT's low, fill out forms, no more dough!
BUSH took school money...
fight war for RUMMY!
Middle class rule...STAY IN SCHOOL... ain't so!
I believe Grace is the best so far with her usage of the double entendre' in her final line of "The Naughty Girl"
There once was a chef extraordinaire
He thought war with Irag a brilliant affair
“If only support for the war were better
The insurgents’ pants would be wetter!”
He exclaimed on the blog in despair
can't someone come up quick to go have a happy hour beer with me?
p
Joe 3, I have a bootylicious IQ.
Does that make me a butt-head?
Just in case anybody was worrried - my skydiving went off without a hitch. I landed on the gound safely.
What? You went skydiving? Oh, yah! You said that. I'm glad you're okay...I was worried ALL DAY!
Jim~
So do yah? Do yah know them?
I think you're a bit young for a midlife crisis, Ed. Now that you jumped out of a plane, are you going to buy a sports car and change careers?
I would so totally go skydiving with you if you want to do it again.
Edward's sky dive I thought was a joke!
Birthday boy leaps from plane, no bones broke?
Skydivin' is fun!
Ed says as he runs,
to the air bar to have rum 'n coke!
By the way, I have to boast, Caitlin was accepted to St. Mary's of Notre Dame, and she received a scholarship! However, she's still deciding where she'll go, and we're waiting for the financial packages, the ones George is whittling away.
Such eloquence!
Here's the Post Prom directive's from Marian High School (parent run)
#1 My daughter is expected to attend post prom in it's entirety (1-4) Please call me if this is not the case. Phone #______
#2 My daughter will attend and have the option to leave post prom at any time. If she leaves before 3:45 a.m., I would like you to call me at #_________
#3 My daughter wil attend but has the option to leave post prom at any time. I DO NOT NEED TO BE CALLED. I know she is not allowed back in once she leaves. (note:she may come in and go right back out.)
I bet (I know) the post prom committee will be talking about the parents who sign the last box..WHY would you check the last box????
there once was a fart in a jar
we knew it might have to go far
to the winner it goes
perhaps to one of the joes
so they can let it loose in a bar
so Mary, which one did you check?
To quote Stevo's flying instructor: "There's no reason to jump out of a perfectly good plane!"
Seriously, Ed, wow! Were you scared? Did you have a what the hell am I doing here moment? was it over fast? Would you do it again?
Mary, check box # 1 but tell them they shouldn't put an apostrophe in "its".
Or box # 2 but still correct their punctuation. It needs to be done.
How was Beaster?
YEs Ed we want details about THE JUMP. I think Tom did this too, am I right? I would like to do it as well, but I'm pretty sure I would have to be pushed from the plane. I would only do it tandem.
On another note, today at school we had a memorial service for a student who was struck by a car. He was in a coma for a week and then passed away about a week ago. Very sad. Student after student after student got up and spoke about him, most in English, but some in Albanian and some in Macedonian. Really really emotional.
Em~
Yes, Tom jumped when we were living in Duluth. In fact, he asked me to do it with him and I, respectively, declined. We were, "just friends," at the time and the loser asked another girl! Can you believe it?
I will have a link posted soon which will you allow you all to see my skydive.
I wasn't really scared. It was fun. I am sorry you were so worried Nance. I hope you didn't put me on your prayer chain.
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...well that's good! :-)
Love you!
Ed, tell me when the contest ends. I forget that you'd alrady said Jim's bday, whichever day in May that is, when I said Monday.
Ed~
I DID place you on my Mom's prayer chain...and, you survived! See, it works!
Braaaaaack!!!
A man to whom music was phat
liked rock, blues, bluegrass and skat
the chute didn't function
when with mid-life rambunction
he jumped. He's now Lester Flatt.
That is soooo true...how cute!
Except, I don't drool...the boyz do.
Question:
Does ANYONE know if it's true that yah weigh MORE after exercise? That's what I've heard...seems weird. Is it true?
One more thing and then I will shut up.
Clarification: I meant weigh more for a,"period of time," directly after exercise.
weigh yourself before and after a couple workouts and you will know. tell us the results!
My scale ain't so trustworthy.
That's what makes him such an awesome husband and...chef!
You should never have to see such a sight
the horror I'll witness tonight.
Quivering bellies, chasmic maws,
slashing teeth, dripping jaws.
Bonanza on a Friday night.
Canvas the area for my brain
It’s called Abel and is looking for Cain
My brain’s losing data
sure as Will married Jada
Numbers! PINS! Detail! create this brain strain.
Grace and her bootylicious IQ have no such memory/processing issues. Her problem is organic weirdness.
iraq
Two thousand, three hundred, eighty one.
Today's body count from Iraq's done.
Tomorrow will bring
More rifles to swing
In the name of Independence Won!
Mmmmm.... Bonanza
Summed up in a stanza.
Well done, Joe!
To you my vote,does go.
YOu're far more clever than Tony Danza.
"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird and shun
the frumious Bandersnatch!"
I wrote the previous note,
we memorized it by rote.
Joe's "Bonanza" brought it to mind,
reading the "Jabberwocky" I find, is better than eating a goat.
the straubs are a force to be reckoned
the wit and whimsy is to none made second
the limerick form saucy
in the pens of my posse
Yo! Even Beckett has beckoned.
Wierdness is underrated.
My rifle's all gunked up with sand
I'm melting in a swealtering land
I carry eighty pounds
Plus a few hundred rounds
So the voters can put ink on their hands
We pulled old Saddam from his hole
He's on trial for his directed death toll
Defend democracy
Cuz liberty ain't free
Even Iraqis deserve to have hope
The pen is mightier than the sword!
Clever alliance can reach an accord.
"George I" sat and dined
With Hussein and whined
"Saddam, this oil I can't afford"!
Weird is one of those exceptions to i before e except after c
Exceptions to grammer make a monkey of me
Ebonics, but caucasion
simply amazin'
Whitespeak, the legitimate slang, to boost my SAT
Although I did vote for Joe, Grace is right up there too. But I think I deserve points for using TOny Danza, Mike's and Des's favorite actor, in a poem.
Mike and Des are not the judges. That arguement only works if Pat likes it.
I suspect the contest is already won, but this is fun, so here goes:
Pre-dawn Chorus
The sun came a-singing up in May.
Blue skies beckoned, come out, lets play!
He buzzed and he worked,
Trees fell with a jerk.
Pillowed-up he slept in the next day.
I could Kill Chuck Norris with one roundhouse kick
Fix Iraq and eat Groundhog on a stick
I would kill John Tesh
And keep Beaster Fresh
With this award winning Limerick.
There once was a Limerick that sucked
So we all said, "What the f..."
We can't make it rhyme
We'll all have some moonshine(Rectified Spirits)
For Jim's birthday were most out of luck
Monica
There once was a young heathen kid
who, when once anointed, she hid
but still had Baptism
and dousing with chrism.
Her Rectified Spirit's nonskid!
I blow my nose with the frequency of breath
I sneeze like I might catch my death
Do I have allergies?
I wonder as I again sneeze
Maybe I need to go to the farm and make Ice Cream Meth.
Poor Chuck Norris is feeling blue.
He roundhouse kicked off his left shoe.
It flew into a bog
and killed a groundhog,
but then Chuck's lunch sank into the slough.
Caitlin could go to St. Mary's
Where Mary met Joe (then they married)
But to hear Granny talk
They wouldn't let her walk
For the oldest young Straub she did carry
A short jaunt away is Notre Dame
Of football and "Monolougue" fame
If we ask Grandpa Joe
How he judges the show
He might say his old school ain't the same
Monica had a day to herself
To find Thomas' specs (check the shelf)
Cathy has moles
And her sweet Molly Rose
Proferred Mia and Cat some Queen's wealth
Ed went and jumped out of a plane
And admitted he might be insane
Phelan will play
The 6th of May
What's the date of Jim's birthday again?
Pat's beauty turns her inlaws to mush
Frank giggles when he sees uranus
Joe 3 ponders gas
M.E. is aghast
And Emily hates Boobish Bush
Hark! the sweet song of Jaberwocky
Anon waxes impish and cocky
Drink polish spirits
The all-purpose cure-its
Uncle Tom serves his oysters up rocky
Grace is the winner - hands down. Not only our her poems good, but she's very fast!
Clarification:
our = are
fast as in quick-witted, not easy
I wish I could fart in a jar
And siphon the gas to my car
But it would sound funny
When the motor was running
For anon, uranus ain't far
You can bring up stage walks if you wish,
Ask Mary, St.Mary's is the DISH!
Was a different time,
doesn't change her mind,
Grace, I'm surprised you bring up this SH%#>.
A sweet boy named Don
Reminds me of a little fawn
A gift given or received?
An exchange of love is achieved
Falls asleep with a smile and a yawn.
There once was a girl named Nance
In need of a little romance
She fell for food dude
Who himself came ungluded
Now their lives are flavor-enhanced.
There once was a boy named Tommy
Who needed someone to play Mommy
I bent him over my knee
Naughty Tom squealed, "Weeeee!
This is way funner than playing commy!"
There once was a boy named Tommy
Who needed someone to play Mommy
I bent him over my knee
Naughty Tom squealed, "Weeeee!
This is way funner than playing commy!"
So far Nance wins.
Anonymous Rocks!
There once was Don, Liam and Eli
Who ALL let out a cry
"We want candy!" they said
As they went off to bed
"No way," I said with a sigh.
Poor Guinness was a dog
who, simply, couldn't blog
No opposable thumbs
Couldn't, even, pick up crumbs
Claim to fame was his pee on a log.
I think there should be a category for, "most improved." ~ha!
Yikes, aunt Mary, don't get all snarky. That's like the second time you cussed at me on the blog. I wasn't dissing St. Mary's, I was just making words rhyme. I think it's VERY cool that Caitlin got accepted there, please tell her congratulations for me. I always thought it was an interesting anecdote about Granny not walking at her graduation, because she was pregnant, even though she was married. It points out how much times have changed... 2 generations later, I served in a combat ready unit in the Marines, and when I got pregnant, I rode a desk for a few months instead of being forced to get an administrative discharge. To me, the contrast is fascinating. And I think it was much harder to be a woman 50, 25, or even 15 years ago than it is now.
The Limerick form, it ain't fancy
kinda like books by tom clancy
but fancy's overrated
sonnets are dated
and nancy sure is antsy.
I am antsy...that's why I'm called Nanceee.
It's only the 1st time I got snarky, sorry!
To a priests and Dre's meeting I rode
where they brought up "The Da Vinci Code,"
talked about how to beat it.
I said "Why don't you read it?"
All the women had; the men were in defense mode.
Idiots. I swear to God. They were talking about having an adult religious ed evening to answer the allegations in the book and I said it was a perfect opportunity to teach adults some real church history and treat them like adults and they all smiled politely and moved to the next subject. Not one of them has any intention of reading the book before they tell people what's wrong with it. (Neither of Queen's priests were there.) If you had a chance to learn about some apocryphal early church writings (like the Gospel of Mary) wouldn't you be interested? Would it make you stop putting money in the envelopes?
To Ed and BP we're all thankful
Even though it's now less than a tankful.
To pay so much for gas
is a pain in the ass -
When Europe hears us whine it must rankle.
Nance James Straub had a limerick day,
Sweet thoughts 'bout the boys, and how Tom's so gay (happy)
Will you write today?
We're waiting, so say...
Tom eats granola and trail mix all day.
Your desire is quite flattering
Thank God it's not fattening
I'm just a girl with some time
To create a little rhyme
Who, also, craves some chattering.
Jenny says work on flow
This I, absolutely, know
Warned not to Haiku
I don't know what to do
Jenny's such a, "ho."
All this talk of oil
Makes me toss, turn and toil
Let's share gross stuff
Stop the rhetoric and fluff
Emily, once, lanced her own boil.
I read the DaVinci Code in 26 hourse and that included working, taking care of kids and going to bed. it was a fun read.
The rich parish down the street had it on their parish book list a year ago. Everyone showed up at the soup supper and the priest talked a lot about the gnostic gospels, etc.
When my personal book club discussed the book, however, a guest attendee turned to me and snarled something about Catholics.
I am amazed by what people decide to believe.
IS Jenny reading this blog? Do we have interlopers?
Egad!
No way hozay. I emailed Jenny my Donny Limerick 'cuz she was a journalism major and fantastic writer. She said it was more of a Haiku. I thought that was so cool that she used the word Haiku...just like you guys and I asked her what one was. :-)
I emailed her my subsequent Limericks and she thought they were getting better but, I should work on, "flow."
I've never had a boil to lance.
Just A Girl, identify yourself at once!
I did get drunk and let a guy remove infected stitches.
Just A Girl, go hang with your B@#$%es.
For winning the contest, you have no chance.
Hello, it's me Nance! I wasn't trying to be secretive...I thought it was obvious. In one of me Limericks above...I refer to myself as, "just a girl." :-)
Don't you remember telling me and Tom about a wound of some sort you had on your arm (maybe, it was THOSE stitches?) and you didn't want to go back to the Doctor and so you cut it open...or, something like that. Tom had a similar story about a wound that was stuffed with first-aid cotton and he removed it on his own (or, was that you?). We talked about this the night we drove you to Algona from Mpls. and I told you (first) that I was pregnant with Eli. Remember? :-) That was a fun ride. :-)
Monica needs to get naked
So that she can begin makin'
pattycake with Jo-Jo so
that when there's ice & snow
they'll be two more hands ice scraping.
Nance, Just a Girl
I was just kidding. I do remember that ride, mainly because of the big news you shared about the little bun in the oven. That was a fun ride.
"little bun in the oven"??? Tom is also a baker!
I have to learn Greek by Tuesday.
There was a good soldier of Christ
who couldn't learn Greek at any price
she was just to busy
she was in a tizzy
I'm flunking however it's sliced.
Wow! I just typed that using Greek symbols in Word and when I tried to paste it in here it turned back into English. It wasn't real Greek thoough. I'm still in trouble.
There's some Greeks at this restaurant I know
They're in the kitchen with dark hair, just so...
They look as they cook,
Wave and smile, no denial,
No Greek words needed, just cymbals will do!
Ha Ha, All of you Homeys.
In Greece tomorrow is where I'll be.
With a view of the Aegean,
fresh sea air I will breathe in.
Don't be haters, just be happy for me.
My office - rows of people sitting bench style with no hassle.
Only problem - I ate seven Jalapeno cheesburgers from White Castle.
My farts sink up the place.
I think with some disgrace.
As I try to get to a "dead zone"; I am not gracile.
tom thinks i'm a radical fruitcake
not sure why that impression i make
bill c is not my god
which rwanda would applaud
but bush makes me puke and shake.
PAT & ED~
What day does the contest end? Is it Thursday, May 4th? Or, Friday, May 5th? Just curious. :-)
Don't worry...I think I'm all Limericked out! ~ha!
The contest ends on Jim's Birthday.
Take a break from the ills of the nation -
there's a party after Joe's graduation
In the Boardroom we'll dine,
and drink some great wine,
toast the newsman (and former third baseman.)
What day is Jim's Birthday?
Be safe - have it in by the fourth
Cuz there's still no word from the North
Carolina. I s'pose
he's the one man who knows
but will ignore all queries henceforth.
(Trying to disqualify some of the competition, perhaps?)
There once was a Peanut at Beaster
who chugged and fell flat on her kiester.
I'm making this up
but did you throw up?
I forgot to ask you at Easter.
Basking on the Aegean Sea
with a tantrum or two (nothing's free!)
It sounds so romantic
and maybe your antics
will lead to a Jude II or III!
Is anonymous...Scott?
I wish
It's Raining! IT's Pouring!
THe old man is snoring!
Went to bed;
bumped his head.
Couldn't get up in the morning!
Plagerizer.
This weekend I spent learning Greek.
I drive through 4-ways like a freak.
I don't care an Iota,
I'm not from Minnesota.
I'm an impolite Iowa geek.
The sweet soaring verses of Cathy have hearkened
Me back to my own; they do sing like the lark, and
she rules rhyme and meter.
No siblings do beat'er.
She surely rates more than a jar with a fart in't.
I once loved a lassie from Geenleigh
Whose comportment was naught short of queenly.
When she grows old and stout,
Wracked with chilblains and gout,
I'll embrace her no less, but more keenly.
Here you go, in this poem I'm blaming Mom, but it would seem Dad shares that blame for forgetting the birthday of a child. Pete and Tom were not nice about it. By the way, one of the nurses thought Jim was such a handsome child, she made Mom a new baby blanket. That's the story.
I think Jim's birthday is the 4th... here's my birthday poem:
Mom's Jaime's birthday is today...
It's the 5th, or the 4th you say?
Forgetting her son
Made him a Parson
So with him, Pete N Tom would not play.
Here you go, in this poem I'm blaming Mom, but it would seem Dad shares that blame for forgetting the birthday of a child. Pete and Tom were not nice about it. By the way, one of the nurses thought Jim was such a handsome child, she made Mom a new baby blanket. That's the story.
I think Jim's birthday is the 4th... here's my birthday poem:
Mom's Jaime's birthday is today...
It's the 5th, or the 4th you say?
Forgetting her son
Made him a Parson
So with him, Pete N Tom would not play.
Here's my 2 cents. Although everyone put forward a great effort that resulted in a good read...I feel the award should go to Cathy Jayjack. Kudos to you girl-fraynd!
Oh, and I (yes, me) should be recognized as, "most improved." Maybe, I could win a pack 'o smokes from a BP store...yah, think?
The Straubs were a smart bunch of bums
Who competed with silly po-ems
with verse plain and fancy,
but I gotta praise Nance
for using "opposable thumbs."
You two make me so sick
admiring each other's poems so quick
"Oh, your poems ring so true"
"Thanks, yours do too"
Disgusting mutual boot-lick.
Well, "mid-life rambunction" ain't shabby
Or how M.E. and Prose make Tom crabby
but "asleep and a-drool"
aren't the words of a fool.
No, the "pens of my posse" are gabby.
Em managed to cite Tony Danza
and Monica cursed in a stanza
while Ed used "ice cream meth"
and Frank put peers to death
in a cube-farting extravaganza.
Now, my kids are all brilliant at rhyme
Though Molly lacks P.C. and time.
But the "Angler and pole"
I believe the show stole.
This contest's so fun it's a crime!
So get off my back there, Joe 3!
You act hard-assed as hard-assed can be,
but I know you're a softy
so don't get all lofty.
The BP cards WILL go to me!
Cathy & Joe are great there's no doubt.
This poem's metre they know all about.
But Grace is a blast
Lets give her the gas
Though this opinion has no vote
There once was a boy named Liam
Who, rarely, let out a scree-um
Went to the ER and got some stitches
Today he says they itches
So cool to have three of 'um.
There once was a plantswoman lazy
whose dry shady yard drove her crazy.
With ferns and begonias
hosta-ly she'd moan, "Yez
would think I could grow me a daisy!"
What happened to Liam?
The boyz were doing something I often say, "don't do," or, "please, be very careful."
They were wearing helmets and using their scooters to, "hop," the curb and crash land onto the soft and gentle grass. :-) Unfortunately, for Liam, when he hopped the curb...his scooter flew back and hit him in the eyebrow area. The same exact spot he had stitches, a few years ago, from a fall at the bowling alley.
I had, just, come in to pre-heat the oven when the doorbell rang. I answered it. Standing there was Eli, Liam and Don. Liam dripping blood with a smile on his face...Eli and Don looking very serious. Liam never cried...not once. He received three stitches and we were in and out in less than an hour.
When we got home...Eli and Liam went for a bike ride and then, they all played basketball. He is no worse for the wear. :-)
Liam is amazing.
There once was a mother named Nance
had three boys that drove her antsy
Cut their heads they did
After making a skid
Now Liam's head looks all fancy.
Who is it keeps writing of farts?
Does he believe it is art?
Over-reacting, no doubt,
are those grossed out.
More squeamish even than Sartre.
Are there prizes for 2nd, 3rd, Mr. congeniality, etc?
I gotta say, someone who can put farts and Sartre in the same poem deserves consideration. It's the Irish in you.
Was he born on the fourth or the third?
Such a quandry is rather absurd.
To put the matter at rest
Order a carbon test
Which will give us the final word.
Love Story
When I lived in the land of Japan
I met me a maddening man
We had lots of fun
With the rising sun
And I happily gave him my hand
Love Story #2
My smart-aleck makes me insane
Then gains my good graces again
I gave him three kits
And lost all my wits
But acquired a chronic ass-pain
ass pain i call hemorrhoid.
what would it be called by freud?
i am the winner
you are a sinner
my poem is sun yours is void.
Update on the media frenzy!
All BLOGS talkin 'bout the Straub contest ending.
We all are soo smart
Even glass up a fart
So hip with limericks cuz we're... Irish!
My true love, when bareback buddy bails:
4-legged bleaters, they never fail.
grab handfuls of legolam,
aim right betwixt the hams,
Oh I remember many a mutton tale.
"tale,tail" get it? Am I too late?
Oh yeah. It's called "Love Story # 3".
My final exam - I had fun.
The last "Generations" is done.
I'm just about free;
Days a week I'll work three.
June through August I'll live in the sun.
Starting to clean up my office from the fray - anybody got a dumpster?
Now I know how teachers feel in May.
Is there a prize for best punctuation?
Happy Birthday James, you Seamus Straub Boy
I've ordered a song from Troubador Tesh Toy
He said he'll sing it
If Erin will wing it
A birthday duet at DEERE, don't be coy!
The prize ball is ready to drop
While limerick writers talk shop.
The ending is near
but my greatest fear
is that I'm unable to stop!
Hey, did I post this already? Pat, I just reread all the limericks and solved a mystery for myself. I had a dream that I was supposed to teach a baptism class to Will and Jada Pinkett Smith and I was wondering where THAT came from, but it's because you used them in a limerick. It's one thing to use a fine actor like Tony Danza but quite another to make use of the man responsible for "The Wild, Wild West." Shame.
Haiku for Joe3:
The (sad) end of the
limerick contest calls for
a paradigm shift.
Good limericks are much in demand.
They're like songs without a big band.
A few are not subtle
And need a rebuttal
While others seem like a command.
Stow it, Nimrod. the contest is over.
With poetry comes inspiration:
we've become a Limerick Nation!
With insults unsubtle
we confound and muddle
(That is, without good punctuation!)
The KC's are serving a winner.
I never will get any thinner.
Biscuits,sausage, bacon,
eggs, pancakes they're makin'.
I love having "Breakfast for Dinner."
Who is the sheepf*#@er?
A stout man who lived in C.B.
had a stout wife he still thought pretty.
These bold empty nesters
would "tumble" like jesters.
Let's hope Baby doesn't make three!
Oh asterisk who are you foolin
without punctuation youre droolin
while periodless mamas
shove umlauts and commas
up your semitough semicolon
Stevo and Cathy sittin in a tree
k-i-s-s-i-n-g
First comes love
Then comes marriage
Then come nesters in a paradigm carriage!
That was just in case you get points for gross.
I met 2 little boys on my walk
I asked "what's your names?", and they talked...
"I'm Charles and he's Rodney,
and we are PIMPS G.O.D."
"Are you pimps for God?" "YES MAAM!"...so proud...I didn't balk.
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