NORFOLK, VIRGINIA (The Borowitz Report) - Eleven indicted Somali pirates dropped a bombshell in a U.S. court today, revealing that their entire piracy operation is a subsidiary of banking giant Goldman Sachs.
There was an audible gasp in court when the leader of the pirates announced, "We are doing God's work. We work for Lloyd Blankfein."
The pirate, who said he earned a bonus of $48 million in dubloons last year, elaborated on the nature of the Somalis' work for Goldman, explaining that the pirates forcibly attacked ships that Goldman had already shorted.
"We were functioning as investment bankers, only every day was casual Friday," the pirate said.
The pirate acknowledged that they merged their operations with Goldman in late 2008 to take advantage of the more relaxed regulations governing bankers as opposed to pirates, "plus to get our share of the bailout money."
In the aftermath of the shocking revelations, government prosecutors were scrambling to see if they still had a case against the Somali pirates, who would now be treated as bankers in the eyes of the law.
"There are lots of laws that could bring these guys down if they were, in fact, pirates," one government source said. "But if they're bankers, our hands are tied."
We had a nice time and some good food at the Straub house in Bettendorf. It was the first time we've actually been there! Lovely home. And Mike looked so good for his first Communion. You can't cross the Mississippi eastbound on I-80 right now. I wonder how long that will last.
11 comments:
Congratulations, Michael...you're a handsome boy! :-)
Love, Uncle Tom, Aunt Nance, Eli, Liam, Donny, Guinness and Little Runner
he is just the cutest!
Congrats Mike!
Adorable. I mean very handsome!
P
Michael, Happy 1st Communion. Welcome to the Community.
So I guess Creighton hired the ISU coach. That was fast:
http://espn.go.com/blog/collegebasketballnation/post/_/id/10953/blue-jays-hire-mcdermott-waste-no-time
NORFOLK, VIRGINIA (The Borowitz Report) - Eleven indicted Somali pirates dropped a bombshell in a U.S. court today, revealing that their entire piracy operation is a subsidiary of banking giant Goldman Sachs.
There was an audible gasp in court when the leader of the pirates announced, "We are doing God's work. We work for Lloyd Blankfein."
The pirate, who said he earned a bonus of $48 million in dubloons last year, elaborated on the nature of the Somalis' work for Goldman, explaining that the pirates forcibly attacked ships that Goldman had already shorted.
"We were functioning as investment bankers, only every day was casual Friday," the pirate said.
The pirate acknowledged that they merged their operations with Goldman in late 2008 to take advantage of the more relaxed regulations governing bankers as opposed to pirates, "plus to get our share of the bailout money."
In the aftermath of the shocking revelations, government prosecutors were scrambling to see if they still had a case against the Somali pirates, who would now be treated as bankers in the eyes of the law.
"There are lots of laws that could bring these guys down if they were, in fact, pirates," one government source said. "But if they're bankers, our hands are tied."
Mike, you look great. Congratulations!
We love you,
Lisa
Randy
Emma
Mary Laurel
We had a nice time and some good food at the Straub house in Bettendorf. It was the first time we've actually been there! Lovely home. And Mike looked so good for his first Communion.
You can't cross the Mississippi eastbound on I-80 right now. I wonder how long that will last.
I'm having dinner with Diane and Richie Strong tonight. Should be fun - they're staying in Delray Beach which is just down the road from us.
p
Lisa have any photos of Mary's 1st Communion?
Felicidades Mike por tu Primera Comunion!!!
Mely
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