from cousin Diane

NEW YORK*A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy InternationalAirport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, aprotractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator.At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez said hebelieves the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He did notidentify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons ofmath instruction. Al-gebra is a problem for us," Gonzalez said. "They desiresolutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in asearch of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' andrefer to themselves as 'unknowns,' but we have determined they belong to acommon denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in everycountry. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sidesto every triangle.'"When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wantedus to have better Weapons of Math Instruction, He would have given us morefingers and toes." White House aids told reporters they could not recall amore intelligent or profound statement by the president.