A girl with an adventurous side
Had a fun loving grin that was wide
But her eyes looked quite naughty
And her grin would grow bawdy
When the Angler and his pole came inside
Grace April Jayjack Ortega
Here are some finalists in no particular order:
You two make me so sick
admiring each other's poems so quick
"Oh, your poems ring so true"
"Thanks, yours do too"
Disgusting mutual boot-lick.
Oh asterisk who are you foolin
without punctuation youre droolin
while periodless mamas
shove umlauts and commas
up your semitough semicolon
I could Kill Chuck Norris with one roundhouse kick
Fix Iraq and eat Groundhog on a stick
I would kill John Tesh
And keep Beaster Fresh
With this award winning Limerick.
You should never have to see such a sight
the horror I'll witness tonight.
Quivering bellies, chasmic maws,
slashing teeth, dripping jaws.
Bonanza on a Friday night.
As Joe was coming out of the head.
"Mine do smell like roses " he said
But the paint was peeled
And the children squealed
"Dad, we're better off dead
Mary wins Most Off for the most that weren't actually limericks, Lisa wins Most Setup for having to explain the most before posting the limerick, and Nance wins Most Insistent for insisting she win the award for most improved. Cathy and Joe both win for consistently high quality.
GOOD JOB! Ok what do we do now?
70 comments:
Who? Who? Who?
Also, I forgot to say, "HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO"
I rock.
In an adult contemporary kinda way.
What's next is Tom will start whining about his stupid bathroom pome
And Nance, the only reason you get most improved is because of the massively unimproved state in which you started.
I gotta say - I liked the paint peeling poem.
But I also liked the sheep one too.
Tom's could be a finalist too.
Way too many to go through.
But Tom don't be a pest
Yours wasn't the best
Don't get into such a stew.
we could all write a short story, email it to ed and pat, and they would pick the winner who's story would then be posted. the story has to involve John Tesh, a landshark, and illegal immigrants.
It started from nothing...and, it became a little somethin'. Not much...but, it's mine and with that comes great joy and satisfaction.
I learned a lot about myself and even more about my in-laws. This has been a journey of self-preservation and awakening.
I am a better me. Thank you...everyone...for this opportunity of self-expression and personal growth.
I will treasure my award for MOST INSISTENT as it has always been a trait that has served me well through my life's journey.
Thank you.
P.S. "What do I win?"
Here's my short story:
A Jew, a Catholic and a Black walk into a bar. The bartender yells "Get Out!"
Do I win? I wanna gas card and a grand slam at Denny's
Grace~
Congratulations! You did an awesome job limericking. We will send you a $40 Sister Sarah's GC and you can use your BP Gas Card to get here!
See you soon! :-0
Tom's latest reminds me that there should be recognition for the worst limerick, too.
So...what do I win?
Huh?
I wanna know!
Helloooooooooooooooo?
I'm waiting...
You win the right to use a condom in the future (even though you are Catholic) - copy and paste:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/12615605/site/newsweek/?GT1=8199
I do need more 'cuz mine are expired. Will they be provided, for me, as my prize?
See Tom! YOU won something too! :-) WooHoo!
We rock.
What is the Catholic Code for the use of expired condoms? How 'bout for the re-use (recycling) of condoms? Or, how 'bout...oh, nevermind.
It was a test, Tom. A psychiatric test, which usually people can't fail, but you did.
I put yours up where it belongs, with the other finalists.
WWJD?
Yaaay! OK, short stories, I'm on it. Only they have to be short-shorts and posted. Like, less than 200 words or something.
Driving home from work last night I saw:
three pubescent girls sprawled out on the grass as if they had been whirling and just dropped in their tracks
two little boys both holding on to a football in a front yard, talking seriously to each other
six Hispanic kids of various ages tearing down the sidewalk on four vintage Big Wheels
a very elderly lady mowing her lawn smiling with a spool mower
I always think I don't mind winter at all until spring comes and I get delirious.
That wasn't a short story or anything, it was just a telling.
Oh, Tom, "semicolon" is the new favorite buzzword among punctuation experts but you have to pronounce it "semicoolin" as if you were Irish or Canadian or something or they'll know you're just a poser. So it rhymes.
Tom again: If you were putting coarsly mashed rutabagas on a dinner menu, what would you call them to make them sound fancy? (rutabagas, peeled, diced, mashed with a ton of butter and salt and freshly ground pepper are the food of the gods. If only they weren't so hard to begin with.) I'm thinking about serving them at our auction dinner for eight with Long Island roast duckling and rice pilaf.
OK I'll remove it.
Hey, Tom...shouldn't you be cooking...or, something? It's the Noon-Hour.
I thought you were supposed be cooking a roast and making a jello mold Nance.
Actually, I'm doing payroll, creating employee memos, paying vendors, doing laundry, arranging flowers, pulling weeds, documenting my last call from Dee, scheduling haircuts for THREE boys, contacting an ENT for Eli AND making lasagna for dinner.
geez Nance. slacker. get on that jello mold!
Yah know...that's a good idea. Donny has been bugging me, for a week, to make LIME jello...his favorite. I'll get on that! :-)
Ent as in giant tree-man?
Huh?
Yeah, that sounds like typical "i didn't win" judge-bashing. I've seen it before, and it's not pretty.
somebody didn't watch enough Leave It To Beaver growing up and missed the lessons on poor sportsmanship.
Make sure you use the phrase "paradigm shift" and use the word "sourcing" that will make you sound like someone who desperately wants to sound intelligent.
I remember the episode when the Beaver got caught in the coffee cup sign. I think that was about acting responsibly.
Thanks Tom- this dinner will be in fall or winter. I think you're right on the starch/veg thing although I think of it as veg. (Calls for a paradigm shift) We have them as often as I can work up the energy to peel, dice, etc; I love'em. The dinner is for 8 to 10 people who will buy it at our auction. I thought the sweetness of the rutabaga would complement the duck. By the way, Nance, you forgot about you have to take a bath and do your nails and get all beautiful so you can greet Tom at the door wearing only a frilly apron.
What's French for Swedish Turnips?
And, hand him a recycled condom?
That sounds like a great story line for a short story.
I remember an episode where June was washing out used condoms and hanging them on the line to dry.
Gee Ward, you were a little hard on the Beave last night.
My staff's making me feel old today. We were talking about 60s music and I mentioned Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass. No recognition. So I said "I know you've heard their big hit-" and then I couldn't remember their big hit, making me feel even older. What was the big hit?
Spanish Flea?
Isn't that a posse?
That song was "da-dat-DAT da-dat DAT da-dat-da-DAAAAA-da-da-da-da!" It was great.
I just had my annual review. I am great at paradigm shifting, synergizing, sourcing, and being nice.
I have a posse. Nyah, nyah.
The only thing we all really care about though, is the raise. Did you also get a raise?
P
i have neither posse, nor crew. i have a gaggle of geeks. and a 2.4% raise.
There was a well-endowed Gent
Well, actually he was an Ent
When he got wood
Against she-ents he stood
and it always shattered or bent
E mergency
N ose
T rimmer
E xtra
N ice
T oilet
E ternally
N eeds
T issue
I used to have a crush on Ward.
It's true. I thought he was so handsome.
Geez Tom...it's dinner time...shouldn't you be cooking?
E li
N eeds
T onsillectomy
Okay, well it's really an adnoidectomy...whatever.
Contracts come out next week. I'm assuming 3%. OK, it's not a posse, it's a... cult following. An' I ent sure, but I think I think outside the box, but inside the circle.
WHOOOOO-HOOOOOO!!!!! I never win anything!!! Now I can afford to drive 1/5th of the way to visit when Jim and Emily are in town!!! And eat a really nice dinner!!! With my husband/amuse. Be sure to tease him a lot, he was mortified when I posted that one.
I'd like to thank my parents, for their love of literature, which they passed on, and my marine buddies, for the gift of low-brow humor, and Pat and Ed, for the inspiration, and Tom and Nance, for dinner, and everyone else for all the really clever entries that were so funny and fun to read. And STOMP ON.
Forty friends for the fuel line
Applaud a glib, fabulous rhyme
They'll send me out west
To see the folks I like best
As a prize, a meal beats a paradigms
Blech. I'm getting really sick of limericks. But thanks.
I just got back from a trip on a boat
'bout 200 people and we did float
Dancin like a fool
The night was sooo coool
I love not listening to Martin Lawrence or any limericks that sound like him...like no more talk about condoms!!! PLEASE!
I just got back from a trip on a boat
'bout 200 people and we did float
Dancin like a fool
The night was sooo coool
I love not listening to Martin Lawrence or any limericks that sound like him...like no more talk about condoms!!! PLEASE!
Yes, let's have a new holiday as suggested in earlier posts. Fesitvus for the rest of us!
Tom - The Mayonasse story rings true. I just got done reading Chris Elliot's book which was set in the time when Teddy Rosvt. was mayor of New York. Anyway - in that book Mayonaise was so new to the people of New York they weren't sure what to do with it, but they loved it. They ended up putting it in ice cream cones and selling it on the street and on the beach.
I heard jerrry mathers and barbara billingsley had a thing going off-screen. Way to go beave!
So, you just couldn't have a winner. It's just like t-ball awards and the end of the season, everyone gets a prize.
Actually, it was fun to see what you thought of everyone else's work.
Cheers
Mary Ellan~
YOUR brother, Ed, started it! :-)
I do have to say...I've gone back to check...why do you (judges) say mine are the most off? Maybe you meant offbeat!
Phelan had a GREAT stage debut with her band, I think Des has photos.
I read an article today about a girl back in the 80's who put Hunter S Thompson as a reference for jobs, on her college applications...her insurance beneficiary, etc...No one ever questioned her about it!
More salsa is sold in the U.S. than mayo!
Oh, and I want an award for allowing you all to kick John Tesh around for awhile...it's fun and easy and I knew it would happen, but, really, he's cool with it.
Over the weekend I decided that not only do I think outside the box, I destroy the box. I ANNIHILATE the box. What I do to the box makes Chuck Norris look like a baby harp seal on estrogen. As long as everything is real nice and neat and symmetrical.
I think that girl who listed Hunter S. Thompson as a beneficiary needs to contact her insurance agent. It doesn't do to let these things slide.
Post a Comment